


It Must Be Hard

by Okaylittlebrother



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10x5, 200th episode, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I don't know what to tag this as, M/M, baby! Dean, pre-dead mom, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2568662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okaylittlebrother/pseuds/Okaylittlebrother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>while on a case at a Catholic girls school, Sam and Dean stumble upon the auditorium and see a play going on.. Which gets Dean thinking back on his past, about his mom and how things used to be. He gets over whelmed and asks Cas for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Must Be Hard

**Author's Note:**

  * For [defendt0pbunk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/defendt0pbunk/gifts).



> This is for my sister. I watched the preview for 10x5 (200th episode! YAY!) I didn't really have much to go on because I only saw a preview for the episode (i saw screencaps on tumblr of the play scene as well) so cut me some slack. Enjoy!!

Dean was sat on his bed staring blankly at the wall. His eyes were puffy and his chest was so damn heavy it hurt to breathe. Why the fuck would anyone does such a thing? Make a play out of his and Sammy's lives? He understood that it was a bunch of horny, underage fangirls acting out for shit and giggles and but the little thing with his mom was pushing it too damn far.  
  
He loved his mom more than anything. He thought that after 33 years of her passing, he'd move on and put the past behind him. The thing is, he had. He did the same with his dad, but after all this time seeing her being portrayed in horrible play put on by teenage girls at a catholic school set him off.   
  
He hadn't said a word to Sammy since they left the school. The entire way back to the bunker, he was gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, his jaw was clenched so tight his fucking teeth hurt. He felt like crying, but he wasn't gonna do that in front of Sammy. He thought it made him look weak and he had to be strong for his little brother.  
  
Sam, on the other hand, was totally fine, unfazed by the entire thing. Except the fact that the girl that played his character had _"season two hair"_ What the fuck was season two hair?   
  
He was replaying memories in his head from when he was four years old. He whimpered softly trying to hold back the heavy tears that threatened to fall. He didn't remember many memories because he was so little. He pictured himself instead, two years old, small, chubby hands wrapped in his moms blonde curls, cooing shoving the curls into his slobbery, wet mouth.   
  
He sobbed and simultaneously took in a shaking breath. He rubbed his eyes hard and wiped the tears from his cheeks until his face burned.  He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.  
  
"Ca--" he started to say, but stopped because another unwanted, shameful sob escaped his lips. He swallowed dryly causing his adams apple to bob. He hurt because he was so choked up. "Cas," he whispered brokenly. "I know you got your wings back, so I know you can hear me..." His eyes darted around the room trying to figure out what to say next without sounding too needy. "I-I need you, man."  
  
He was startled by a flutter behind him. He twisted and there sat Cas on the opposite side of Dean's bed. "I heard your prayer, Dean. What's the matter?" He asked.  
  
"It wasn't a prayer, Cas. I just need you here...." He looked down in embarassment.  
  
Cas, unaware of Dean's current state, lifted his chin and studied his face thoroughly. "You've been crying..." Cas pointed out. Noting Dean's swollen, bloodshot eyes.  
  
  
Dean scoffed and shook his head, "yeah, thanks Captain Obvious, I didn't realize."  
  
"Your emotions have gotten the best of you it seems, would you like to talk about it?" He asked, looking over at Dean.  
  
Dean sniffled and rubbed his eyes, "we uh, had a, uh case." He somehow manged to get out. "It was weird, remember a few years ago when Chuck wrote those Supernatural books about me and Sam's life?" He asked, glancing at the dark haired man. Cas nodded in response. "Well, it was like that, but this time a bunch of little girls put on a play..."  
  
Cas listened and situated himself on the bed further and somehow,in the process scooted closer to Dean.   
  
"And it creeped me out, but the biggest thing--the biggest thing that got me is that they had a piece of plywood with my--" his throat had gotten tighter and he got choked up while trying to get this out. "With m-my-my mom burni--" he stopped aburptly to let out a loud sob. "Burning on the ceiling." He finally finished and dropped his head effortlessly to Cas' shoulder and sobbed.   
  
Cas placed his hand on Dean's back and massaged soft, slow circles into him and planted kisses in his hair.  
  
Cas let Dean cry on his shoulder until he felt like he was done. It had to be at least ten minutes, but Castiel hadn't noticed. When Dean finally raised his head to look at him, he fixed his gaze on him for a few seconds.  
  
Cas gently stroked Dean's damp freckled cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Are you alright, Dean?"   
  
Dean shook his head and dropped his forehead back to Cas' damp shoulder.  
  
"It's alright, Dean." Cas whispered as he began to rub his back once more. "They probably didn't know how much she meant to you."  
  
"They knew, Cas. _They know._ " He whimpered quietly without raising his head to look at Castiel.   
  
Cas didn't respond for a moment, he was trying to piece together a non hurtful response that wouldn't hurt Dean more. So instead he smiled, "how about you tell me what she was like?" He asked pushing Dean away gently to get a good look at him.  
  
Cas was so exstatic to just get a weak smile from Dean, even if there was a lot of pain behind it. It made him sad to see Dean like this.  
  
"She uh, she--" Dean looked up and wiped his running nose of the sleeve of his gray henley. "She had the brightest smile i've ever seen." He explained trying to hold back a grin. "Dad always said that he saw so much of her in me, that I had her hair and her smile. And that even out manurisms were the same."  
  
"She sounds lovely, Dean." Cas mentioned.  
  
Dean nodded, and reached over to his night stand and rummaged through the drawer for his pictures. "She was, Cas. I wish you could have met her.. She would really fucking like you." He told him as he slid the pictures into Castiel's hand.  
  
Cas smiled brightly and looked at the faded, grainy pictures of Dean's family. His mom was truely a beautiful woman. Her long blonde hair and her bright smile were beautiful as well.  
  
"You're a spitting imagine of her, Dean. She really is stunning." Castiel complimented before his fingertips grazed the top of Dean's hand.   
  
Dean blushed deeply, heat crept up the back of his neck to the tops of his ears and to his cheeks. "Thanks, Cas." He said through a shakey breath.  
  
Cas smiled softly and gave Dean a small smile as he raised his hand once more to gently carress Dean's cheek again. "Are you alright now, Dean?"  
  
Dean exhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair and drug it down to scrub his face. "I'm kinda tired," he admitted through a loud yawn, that made his eyes water. "All that crying drained me.."  
  
Since Cas was an angel again (all thanks to Crowley and the ~~stolen~~ angel angel grace he had acquired from Adina) he didn't require sleep like he did when he was human, but that didn't mean he couldn't hold Dean while he slept. Cas wanted to make sure he was alright. He knew Dean well enough to know that if he wasn't there when he woke, he'd probably freak out like he normally did.   
  
So Cas would stay. For as long as Dean would allow.  
  
Castiel stood up and shrugged off his trenchcoat and draped it over the back of the chair against the wall. Then walked back over to the end of the bed and started to untie the laces of Dean's boots and work them off his feet one after the other. He toed off his shoes as well and climbed in bed next to Dean. He gently pulled Dean down until he was horizontal. Dean cranked his neck back to look at the oher man.  
  
"Relax, Dean. It's alright." Cas reassured softly. Cas scooted down the mattress until he was flat on his back. When he had finished situating himself he turnes on his side and pulled Dean close and left his arm around his waist.  
  
"Cas?" Dean said sleepily after a few minutes, not even bother to turn his head to make proper eye contact with the angel.  
  
"Yes, Dean?"   
  
"Tha--" he tried to whisper, but he had already drifted into unconciousness.  
  
Castiel just smiled and slowly cobed his fingers through Dean's hair. "You're welcome, Dean. Sleep tight."


End file.
